It Remains To Be Seen...

It Remains to be Seen...

The more i think on this matter... the more i realize.... the more i realize.. the more helpless i feel...
It feels like drowning, theres a struggle, there is pain, theres the immense urge, theres also the suppressing force that will eventually take over...
Just below the surface, but yet far away, all we need is a gasp, but it is so brutally denied, and finally we are broken, we fail, we cease to think, we cease to feel, the pain subsides, everything ceases to exist around us, in the end... all that remains is a figment of imagination, that dwells on another souls mortal substance.... waiting to perish... just like everything else.

Why... i ponder... Why.... why am i put through this? I didnt receive this by choice... it was forced onto me. So much grief, so much suffering, others would ask me to look at the brighter side of things, ask me to live life for all the joy and the sweetness of the choicest quality... i would say they have fallen for it. The truth is still bare before them, but they choose to ignore it. They are lucky i must say, cause they are spared the vivid feelings that i go through everyday. I simply cannot digest it.... i cant. Why..? The question still remains... left to be answered for later.

I wonder when that later would be, theres one voice that talks about eventuality, but then the other deeper voice points to that day... the day i cease... the day i am denied the privilege of thought... the day my whole life would go flashing before my eyes.. like light posts seen from a moving vehicle... gosh. Im against crying, maybe its ego, maybe its just me, but why is that every time i think about that day, i feel my heart drowning in my soul's tears. I dont see tears, dont feel them against my cheeks, but yet something inside is crying, bitterly, so much so that something is drowning too in the aftermath... Why...?

How is all this justified...? Why have i been chosen to take this test...? Can i find an answer to this mystery before it is too late...? Im desperate to find the owner of the footprints in this desolate beach... and ive got time only till the sun sinks into the ocean... after that happens... im going to drown. Only he can save me... by solving these riddles... these questions that have been infesting my mind... Can i make it...? It remains to be seen...

Why...? Why is it that i feel like the answer is right before me but im not able to see it...? I feel like a blind man... not my real eyes that are malfunctional... but my minds eyes that refuse to open... Everything around me is talking to me... the soothing tunes from a flute that can last for eternity... they are talking to me, but am i listening...? am i..? I see handicapped people begging for alms on the roads... its showing something to me.....but am i seeing it...? Children smartly dressed in their uniforms and marching to their schools with bright glowing faces... labourers resting under a tree after a hard days work... what pleasure that sleep might hold for them.... every person i see.... i just dont see a person.. i know that theres a story behind everyone of them... who knows there might be one out there just thinking about the exact same things that i am thinking about...
Birds chirping away in the evening glory... just as if they were sharing their days stories with each other...
Everything is talking to me.. showing me something... But am i able to grasp it...?? am i...? It remains to be seen...

So where is all this taking me... Im venturing deeper and deeper into this dark cave... will i be able to find my way out...? will i at least be able to find my way back...?? or am i going to perish in the process....??? what is going to happen...?? It remains to be seen....

I try helping people... I try solving their problems... I try sharing their pain... I try making them understand what im thinking of... cause im sure if they do... its going to change them... for good. Theres so much wrong happening around me, im helpless, people are overwhelmed by emotions, once they are, they have no idea as to what they are doing. I try changing that, but are my efforts going in vain...? i do not know... Lives are being lost for the most insignificant of reasons... Nations are waging wars, making matters worse... Why? Am i missing something here...? Im not sure...
All this pain and suffering... is it destined to go to waste...? to be either burnt or buried...? Why...? It remains to be seen...

If i were to be able to think after the inevitable occurs.... What would i be pondering about in that dark place below the earth marked with a stone in the most melancholic manner... What would i be thinking...? Would this debate continue for eternity...? the very thought is horrifying... When will this end...? When am i going to find that vital gasp of air....? Is some thing telling me the answer...? Im not sure.... I feel like watching a bright light.... the only source, to all existence, it holds all the answers i seek... but alas its too bright .... im blinded by it... What now...? It remains to be seen...

O person who walked upon this desolate beach, please reveal urself, for the sun is fast setting, im waiting for you.... Will you turn up before its too late..........

It Remains To Be Seen.