Sunday, November 12, 2006

Hmm... Interesting...

Hmm... Interesting...

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die".

Just found this quote.... its a starking new point of view on health...
After reading it.... spent a few moments thinking, and realized that it held some value.
Come to think of it, a every aspect of our lease on this world can be terminated with death...
Really pessimistic approach i must agree, but heck, isn't it the truth...???



Saturday, November 04, 2006

And it all came Down Pouring....

And it all Came Down Pouring....

Aahh... Internals are finally over. Such a torment it was...! Come to think about it, its for our own good, but heck I still hate them...! I'm actually feeling very light headed right now, did'nt get to sleep that well for the past four or five days... Probably that's why I decided to write post now..!

I'm sooo drowsy right now that if I kept my eyes closed for a few minutes, I would be drooling all over this place...! Neways, enough of self sympathy... The point is internals are over, I just felt like vacations just began this evening, only for a while, then immediately after, I realized that college was to open on monday as usual, and that too next week is very important, loads of labs and all...! Plus I have got to complete tones of practical record work... the list goes on...

But I was very impressed this evening by the list of events that occurred... all through the day that is... Firstly, my day began like at 5 in the morning, after some 3 hours of much needed rest. But then I couldn't do it, I just closed my eyes for a second and time had cheated me yet again...! But in that gap, during that beautiful, sweet power nap, I had some spectacular dreams... Its a pity that people don't remember most of the things that they dream about after they wake up from their sleep, I'm no special case, but I'm pretty sure the dreams were spectacular. I'm sure because something inside me is still telling me it was, without actually showing me the big picture... sooo not fair...! All I can remember is that I met a lot of people whom I had not seen for a looong time... Now how can that be spectacular...? I still don't know... yet I'm dead sure it was, somehow...

Dreams aside, I didn't actually want to get up for the test at hand, I was so wasted by the time I got up. Everything ahead looked so dismal and out of range by the time I had woken up again.. partly because my glasses were off too.. But yet, I felt like I deserved more of that sweet and juicy sleep... Oh its soo precious! I could still feel my heart beating chirpily after that dream, even as my mind was clearing out the surreal world and pushing me towards reality. Man after my mind made sure that, it was time to give up that dream... I felt like I just lost something very important...! There I was sitting on my bed wrapped in the still cozy blanket, and giving a cynical smile at my friend Nikhil, who made sure that I got up.

Well after I was through with that episode... next came breakfast... which proved to be the dictionary meaning of disaster... it had everything I hated. I had no option but to skip it, for good. I reached the exam hall, meticulously planned where to position myself and all, so that collective knowledge is put to the best possible use. It actually paid off. All went well for the first paper. Walking back to my room, I was pondering about the highlight of the day.. the upcoming paper before lunch.. it is simply termed "Signals and Systems"... all I know is that while studying it, it systematically turns out all your brain signals...! Its the one paper the whole hostel was up all night toiling for. I didn't exactly do the toiling part even though I was up all night...! Incidentally I was on a computer looking for some movies... Man I was screwed already...!

All my hopes were pinned upon Nikhil, the one dude who saved my boat from sinking in four of the 5 papers that I wrote. It was the last paper. I had done it already four times before, how tough could it get... I was soon going to find out...! Once time had decided that the second paper for the day was to arrive on my desk, all hell broke loose. There was some mixup and all the meticulous planning about seating went up in smoke in a matter of seconds. After the dust settled, I found Nikhil and myself in the opposite corners of the room. Man did I curse myself good at that moment for not studying the previous night...! Well... so it was to be. All I could do was to make the best use of my resources, ie. the immediate makeshift partner I had for the test...God had decided to call him Srinivas.

The test didn't turn out to be a totally devastating blow to my already ravaged average from my previous test. There was a little sunshine today afterall...! I was really freaking out during the paper, and Srini has to ask me answers in the middle. I had already made it clear to him that I had not prepared for a single word, but alas, I wasn't in the state of mind to comprehend his hushed words neither was he... we happened to be sailing on the same boat... I really shouldn't have been on the computer the previous night...! As the self inflicted torment was drawing to a close an hour and a half later... the stage was all set for grand finale...! Very unexpected one at that...! The hall where I was seated contained all the folk who specialized in a combined knowledge database rather than an individualistic approach... So eventually something was bound to happen... What happened was this, two of my comrades had fallen, their answer scripts were confiscated and they were shown the exit in the most dignified fashion. Well we did lose this one battle, but we did with out our heads held high, cause overall we had won the war...

And after the final bell, it was over, yes the war was over, very funny I'm blowing it out of proportions this way because we have six such wars each year and have to put up with them for four years...! But heck I'm light headed right now..! I reached the lunch table... there was nothing great there in store for me, just the delight that internals were over. Lunch went and the evening came swiftly... Its winter and darkness engulfed my surroundings like a fog does to a lighthouse. I found myself on the drive way to the hostel building, there was very cold wind blowing across it... all of a sudden I felt very lonely, the atmosphere around me was tweaking my senses to feel really crazily. I should have gone to sleep right then... but did I..? Naaa... Its time to freak out, even if in a mild fashion, who wants to sleep now...??? So I marched to the internet center, updated myself thoroughly o saturation point about everything that I had missed in the past week because of war. And guess what, the new iPod shuffle totally rocks, and the intel quad core processors are white hot stuff....

Evening brought rain along with it for company as if to show that even it was celebrating... Man did it rain like crazy today..! I was watching the streets below from the fifth floor window...
It was very beautiful... Though the window presented to me a view comprising of a muck filled deserted road, badly illuminated, and totally getting drenched... I still felt that it was beautiful...
The rain was amazing to watch... The night's darkness made the droplets of water almost invisible, the neon lamps and the stray vehicle headlamps were trying their best to expose these tiny space invaders, but in vain... The only major proof of rain was the reflections on the road's surface and the ripples on the numerous puddles that I saw... It was splendid... The road that I was admiring is usually choked with traffic and a disgustingly noisy piece of existence... But then all that had changed because of a heavenly intervention called rain...

So many people invariably had to take a time out and seek refuge in nearby shops from the rain... I felt like nature was saying something to us... You people... busy all the time, relax, live life a little...take a break... That reminds me of a poem of a poem "No time to stand and stare" which I read very loong ago.... though there was the continuous pitter patter of the droplets, I felt like I was being engulfed by a deafening silence... strange... Was it for real or was it just that I was severly in need of some sleep,like I am now, I'm really not sure... But all I can say is, all the tension that the internals had built up inside me had been washed away in this one evening, by something so simple yet so magnificent as the rain... Dinner was destined to Kamat Hotel near by as the mess is off on Saturday evenings... Man I hate getting my feet wet on the roads...!

After dinner I found myself sneaking back into the internet lab, and I am still stuck to the seat, its been almost four hours now...! and I'm still not done...! Well I came here to catch up with some friends and well I did happen to do just that... Plus I successfully got working torrents for some movies and games that I've been wanting for a long time... And there I was chatting with my friend, I still feel a little guilty because she felt that I was trying to avoid the chat conversation...! Well actually I was hunting for those really rare torrents in the background so couldn't ensure undivided attention to the conversation.. neways I apologized, hope that it was accepted... and the final incident of the day was yet to unfold...

As we were chatting... she asked me to read a testimonial she had received from a very close friend of her's. They had last seen almost a decade ago...almost, but then happened to find each other on orkut, the sweetest internet invention..! The testi was really sweet indeed, almost everything that I had thought of was in it... but then that was not what struck me. It was the point of from who to whom that struck me... My day began with a really sweet dream, mind you I'm still not able to decipher it, I doubt I ever will... And almost at the end of the day, here I was staring at the monitor reading something, and really feeling good about it. All I remembered of the dream was that I had met someone after a very loong time... and then late in the night, I see a proof of friendship on orkut, between two friends who incidentally happened to meet on orkut after a seriously long gap... Was my mind playing tricks on me or is it that I just need to go to bed at this moment...right away... very interesting.

This was definitely not the topic that I had hoped for this post...but heck the inspiration to write doesn't come very often, so why not make good use of it while I can..? All the while I've been portraying a jubilious mood that the internals were over, well now that I am totally drained and shaken thoroughly back to reality... I think I should definitely say what my mind is saying now... In about a months time, the next war is going to begin, and this is going to be a big one, more like a do or die situation... I will have to survive at any cost... This whole past week has been very active for me, not necessarily positive... but yeah, I lived it... What's in store for me tomorrow I can never say, but today, whatever happened to me, you know by now....
I really shouldn't be sitting here right now and punching keys after key, getting more and more erroneous by the passing minute... All I need for now is a warm and cozy bed, a king's breakfast awaits me tomorrow morning... I'm hopeful to live the sweet dream again, even though by destiny, I might not be able to know what they are....

So there you go.... that's all for today folks.. that's me signing off... Adios.....




Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Tomorrow is Ugly...

Tomorrow is Ugly

Every direction I look, its screaming at me. Its written all over the place, everything that we take for granted, those we consider most insignificant, will rule us one day, Im sure of it, yes very sure. Why are we all so collectively ignorant of these tremendously potential threats to our well being? Why? Is it because we are humans and are born with the blinding pride that we are? Well if it is, Im sorry to say that its very disappointing. Forget disappointment, its very worrisome, and ghastly to a certain extent. Tomorrow, its going to be wild.

There are so many of us on the face of this planet. We dominate every existence. Yes, we rule, in all aspects, and in the truest of sense. But hold on, while you may take pride in that aspect of our not so apparent miserable lives, Im ready to tread a different path, the path I must say, holds more truth, very little pride. Now you may be thinking that Im wasting your time, but patience my friend, Im getting to it. You see this is not so simple to explain, its very disturbing news that I intend to bestow upon you. So patience, read on.

There are so may of us, you might say yet again, but hold on. Dont you see the problem for yourself? You just mentioned it, yes, you did. You couldnt have put it in better words, yes my friend, there are so many of us, and that is the weakest link to our existence. You must be throwing up your hands right now vehemently contradicting my proposal. Its absolutely fair for you to do so, for you have not seen the vivid future that I have visualized. Its absolutely fair, for you to reject my statement, if you are disgustingly short sighted, no offence, but very fair. Its absolutely fair again if you live only for one person among the so many you referred to just a little while ago, that person being you. Very fair. Tomorrow, Im sure you would think of this day.

Now you contest my long prelude to this very strange issue. Im glad you do, for there are very few who would. Im glad you didnt turn out to be one of them, they, who just are not ready to accept, who pretend to be very optimistic even though the reality is flashing in their minds eye. Im glad my friend that you have decided to listen to me, Im very glad. Tomorrow, I hope will be different to what I predict, I can only hope.
How? You ask me how? The only way I can make you realize this is if you are patient and think. Think may friend, think. Tell me, what happens if there are a thousand ants in a matchbox instead of just one, what if there are twenty people inside a car instead of just two, I can go on and on with such comparisons. But I hope you get the point. There are so many of us, now Im sure you would think twice before labeling it fair.

So what if there are so many of us, you may ask me, still not convinced. Consider this, every single soul on this planet leaves its fingerprint. As of today there are more negative fingerprints left than positive ones, and the trend is alarmingly following the negative curve. The more number of individuals the larger the collective effect. Just take the air we breathe for example, put a hundred people in a small room and you will instantly realize how precious it is. The earth is supporting 6 billion souls of just the human kind. Its it fair my friend, for all the other species to be out performed so miserably? Is it fair? We received only one earth, but we are spreading fast like an infestation through it, like a drop of ink on a clear glass of water. Is it fair? Tomorrow my friend, is going to be very different to what today is be sure of that.

Just think about practical day to day activities. Compound every one of them with many years of time, including the hazardous human effects, then you will realize what I mean. When you go out to meet a busy road, everything might look normal to you, but reflect a little my friend, you will see the truth. not so many years ago, the very same road would have worn a desolate look. Many days down the line, I cant imagine the congestion. The air you breathe might be of the filthiest of quality, but alas, you are used to it. If it is so bad now, what about the future, would we all still be breathing air? More importantly, would we still be breathing? You walk into a market place, and see a thousand people, you might consider it normal on a busy day, but what is going to happen in the future? What would your reaction be when you step in to a market with an exponentially larger crowd? It is going to be very ugly. Is it fair?

We take fuel for granted, multiply one vehicle’s average fuel consumption with a billion or so others, and you have a horrific figure. Try this, using the exhaust fumes oh a medium sized vehicle, you can kill yourself. Scale it to a few billion others, its global suicide. To get an idea of how much you waste, just stockpile all the trash you discard for a month into a room, it will give you a very graphic sight, as well as brain numbing nasal stimulants! Multiply that with a few billion, I cant put the effects in words!All the cities known are bursting at their seams, what was once a farm land or pristine forest is now a melancholic concrete jungle. So much fresh air and wildlife is lost already, and more is disappearing fast. Drinking water is the most precious commodity today, whats the situation going to be life twenty years down the line? Real estate is already scorching hot these days, is it even viable tomorrow? Orphanages and old age homes are growing in number by the day. Whats the point of having such a big number of us when we are not capable of taking care of each other? Rather, today we are more intent about the downfall of our compatriots, there is so much greed, jealousy, competition, all have inevitably been introduced because of the root problem that I have been trying to emboss all this while. What is tomorrow going to hold for us? Its a scary thought, but none the less a necessary one, very necessary.

After all this you might say that all these all very obvious problems that todays society faces, these are problems that you and me have known for a long time, so dont worry so much. Woe befalls on he who does not worry on such a matter of grave concern. Such an international peril demands rigorous measures to be sketched and executed. Such measures have already come into force in many a places, but theres a catch, they are being rnforced only as a law. This is very bad, as people are not doing the right thing because they understand its importance, but rather because the punishments they would face if they dont do it are severe. Even though ultimately the goal is achieved one way or the other, its a question of validity of moral values. Implementing population control is no easy task. Even if it is being done in certain places, it includes a great deal of hurdles. Many may question the morality behind such activities in the name of controlling our growing numbers, our ethics may be fired upon. But to all such people, i ask just one thing, is it moral and ethical to continie this way? Is it really worth continuing living this way? Is this how we repay mother Earth? Ive heard alot of people say that we humans do not possess the right to take lives, the the right reserved in God, poor God, why should he get blamed for all the carnage that we are wreaking here on Earth? Dont you the how many lives we have already taken all these years? Why is it that only human lives are considered precious and important? These are all hard questions that need to be reflected upon by one and all. Only when voluntary action is taken by people, rather than damage control being forcibly imposed on them, nothing greatly positive is going to happen in this domain of our problems. We need to act now. Now my friend, tell me, what do you make of tomorrow? Do you just look up until a peacefull retirement life or do you dare to think beyond? I need to know, our future depends on it, the wolfpack depends on it. Tomorrow is very ugly my frind, no matter how many times i try to convince myself otherwise.


We are like vermin on this planet which we call home and we are treating it like a cadaver. We are rendering total disregard to our home. Lets not forget that there is only one home. Is it not our responsibility? What happens when the cadaver is stripped to its bones.? Inevitably the vermin also perish. Is it fair for the human race to perish like vermin? For all the grandeur attached to it, it deserves a much more dignified demise.

I remind you of something, There are so many of us. Im sure that you attach a different perspective to that statement by now. If not, it hurts me to know that you have turned out to be one among the infinite others, defiantly optimistic. Dont disappoint me. Tomorrow is very ugly indeed; it is all in our hands today, care to lend me a little effort?


Sunday, October 22, 2006

It Remains To Be Seen...

It Remains to be Seen...

The more i think on this matter... the more i realize.... the more i realize.. the more helpless i feel...
It feels like drowning, theres a struggle, there is pain, theres the immense urge, theres also the suppressing force that will eventually take over...
Just below the surface, but yet far away, all we need is a gasp, but it is so brutally denied, and finally we are broken, we fail, we cease to think, we cease to feel, the pain subsides, everything ceases to exist around us, in the end... all that remains is a figment of imagination, that dwells on another souls mortal substance.... waiting to perish... just like everything else.

Why... i ponder... Why.... why am i put through this? I didnt receive this by choice... it was forced onto me. So much grief, so much suffering, others would ask me to look at the brighter side of things, ask me to live life for all the joy and the sweetness of the choicest quality... i would say they have fallen for it. The truth is still bare before them, but they choose to ignore it. They are lucky i must say, cause they are spared the vivid feelings that i go through everyday. I simply cannot digest it.... i cant. Why..? The question still remains... left to be answered for later.

I wonder when that later would be, theres one voice that talks about eventuality, but then the other deeper voice points to that day... the day i cease... the day i am denied the privilege of thought... the day my whole life would go flashing before my eyes.. like light posts seen from a moving vehicle... gosh. Im against crying, maybe its ego, maybe its just me, but why is that every time i think about that day, i feel my heart drowning in my soul's tears. I dont see tears, dont feel them against my cheeks, but yet something inside is crying, bitterly, so much so that something is drowning too in the aftermath... Why...?

How is all this justified...? Why have i been chosen to take this test...? Can i find an answer to this mystery before it is too late...? Im desperate to find the owner of the footprints in this desolate beach... and ive got time only till the sun sinks into the ocean... after that happens... im going to drown. Only he can save me... by solving these riddles... these questions that have been infesting my mind... Can i make it...? It remains to be seen...

Why...? Why is it that i feel like the answer is right before me but im not able to see it...? I feel like a blind man... not my real eyes that are malfunctional... but my minds eyes that refuse to open... Everything around me is talking to me... the soothing tunes from a flute that can last for eternity... they are talking to me, but am i listening...? am i..? I see handicapped people begging for alms on the roads... its showing something to me.....but am i seeing it...? Children smartly dressed in their uniforms and marching to their schools with bright glowing faces... labourers resting under a tree after a hard days work... what pleasure that sleep might hold for them.... every person i see.... i just dont see a person.. i know that theres a story behind everyone of them... who knows there might be one out there just thinking about the exact same things that i am thinking about...
Birds chirping away in the evening glory... just as if they were sharing their days stories with each other...
Everything is talking to me.. showing me something... But am i able to grasp it...?? am i...? It remains to be seen...

So where is all this taking me... Im venturing deeper and deeper into this dark cave... will i be able to find my way out...? will i at least be able to find my way back...?? or am i going to perish in the process....??? what is going to happen...?? It remains to be seen....

I try helping people... I try solving their problems... I try sharing their pain... I try making them understand what im thinking of... cause im sure if they do... its going to change them... for good. Theres so much wrong happening around me, im helpless, people are overwhelmed by emotions, once they are, they have no idea as to what they are doing. I try changing that, but are my efforts going in vain...? i do not know... Lives are being lost for the most insignificant of reasons... Nations are waging wars, making matters worse... Why? Am i missing something here...? Im not sure...
All this pain and suffering... is it destined to go to waste...? to be either burnt or buried...? Why...? It remains to be seen...

If i were to be able to think after the inevitable occurs.... What would i be pondering about in that dark place below the earth marked with a stone in the most melancholic manner... What would i be thinking...? Would this debate continue for eternity...? the very thought is horrifying... When will this end...? When am i going to find that vital gasp of air....? Is some thing telling me the answer...? Im not sure.... I feel like watching a bright light.... the only source, to all existence, it holds all the answers i seek... but alas its too bright .... im blinded by it... What now...? It remains to be seen...

O person who walked upon this desolate beach, please reveal urself, for the sun is fast setting, im waiting for you.... Will you turn up before its too late..........

It Remains To Be Seen.