The shadow lingers still…
When tragedy strikes, it strikes not just once, but hits you innumerable times. It batters you like the storm on a barren rock. The droplets of sharp memories are like daggers that pierce your mind persistently. Whether you are the conscious self or the subconscious counterpart, you will not be spared. Such a torment can be magnified to many a times, especially when the tragedy that strikes emulates itself in the form of a loss. A loss so profound, that it can scar you forever. This loss, which almost every one of us inevitably has to go through, is such an unfair blow to us. It takes away form us, all that it took for us to be who we are. That tender love, that care, and yes, that dedication. Friends, this great tragedy that I refer to is none other than the loss, the great loss of a person whom few of us take for granted. This special person is the foundation to all our lives. It is this person, who showed us this world. I refer to none other than the person whom we call mother.
In the recent past, I was made to digest the terrible news that a good friend of mine had to live this horror. The moment I heard about the unfortunate event, a dizzying number of thoughts struck me. It had a very profound effect on me and my outlook on many a matter. My most gut wrenching moment was when I imagined myself in his shoes. That was when rebellious thoughts arose; conflicting views and counterviews were at war in my mind. There was one part of me which spoke of the nature of the event. Demise being an inevitable factor of our existence, shouldn’t cause much of an analogy. But this loss is so immense and so profoundly felt that, it just cannot be put into a rational perspective very easily. What we face here is abandonment. It’s like trying in vain to reacquire something that has just slipped away from your hands, and is floating away from you slowly and steadily. You try and chase it, but are only presented with failure.
Why, I ask myself, why is it that this mishap in particular causes so much of a torrent in my veins? Why do I feel like some part of me has just left me forever? My fingers turn cold and lifeless, fearing that no one can warn then up again gently. As I float unconsciously from room to room, I am hit by a barrage of memories; memories of a person who is so dear to me, but who I cannot see anymore, except with my mind’s eye. My whole life associated with this person is flashing before my eyes. Every single detail brings me an inch closer to her, but then the very next second, reality pulls me back farther away from her like the powerful ocean tides. Every trinket of detail I recall brings me a small speck of joy; it makes me cherish my life thus far. But then it doesn’t stop there unfortunately, as it also brings upon my soul, the deepest sorrow. I bury myself so deep that only time and experience can dig me out of it. Every single action that I do in the coming days makes me reflect. My mind takes me back to a time bygone; a time where once I had a protector, a guardian angel who always watched over me. My senses feel her absence so profoundly that they are desperately trying to tear away from my body in search of her. I am shattered. Suddenly, I am brought back to reality and I gently step out of his shoes. I just lived a horror that I should not have, but I’m glad that I did. I only hope that when he inevitable happens to me; I’m prepared for it and wont be reduced to a miserable moral wreck.
Is it fair? Why do things have to be this way? A little thought shows me another world that I had never seen before. I realized that we all deserved the tender care and love. We were destined for it. But we fail to the most part in absorbing the temporary nature of our existence. Our strongest and weakest parts are our minds. They can very easily be overcome by emotions. Especially under such circumstances, we stand no chance. But then is all this pain and sorrow the right direction? Many people may have different views. But then I have realized that this is the path for change. I feel that this is nature’s way to heal a hurt soul. The mind had tremendous powers to heal itself, it only needs stimulation. By subjecting it to repeated stresses, nature makes it hard and capable to withstand and digest tragedies easily in the future. But this is as rational as you can put it, for the mind is not a rational existence in itself!
An event of such proportions is a very drastic turning point in your road of life. It is like walking on the road amongst the woods that sheltered you from the elements thus far, and then one day being shown the way out of it, only to discover that what lies ahead is nothing but, a barren desert, dotted with scars of memories, on whom when you step, puts your mind into a state of turmoil. Only time has all answers that you seek. I could not face my friend who was bereaved in his mother’s demise. I couldn’t even speak to him, as I was at a loss of words. I am still at a loss of words at this moment. There are feelings beyond words that take shape only in the mind and cannot materialize in any other form, apart from a change in your heart’s rhythm. My friend, I have no words to express my grief, for I have lived your tragedy too. Please forgive me, my friend, if I haven’t done enough. This may be considered as a grossly rational depiction of such a sentimental event of monumental proportions. But my friend, this is how I seek to protect myself, when the inevitable hits me too.
I have realized that the guardian angel hasn’t left to anywhere, she has only left this materialistic world and stepped into another world full of joy and wonders. Her soul thoroughly deserves all the rest it can get, for she has relented thus far to make us who we are. She is still watching over our shoulders, with the same dedication. So fear not and worry not my friend. We are not alone, and never shall be. But such an unfortunate event has cast a shadow, over our minds. I pray that at one fateful dawn, this shadow departs.
But for now, the shadow lingers still...
